As many of you may know, relationships don’t come too easily to us folk with anxiety. It’s a struggle to maintain one healthy relationship never mind several. What do i mean by relationships? No, i don’t mean your Facebook friends and Instagram followers. I mean everything from your best friends mother to the love of your life. The relationships that matter to you.
With anxiety it’s a mammoth task to comfortably leave the house, and the thought of letting somebody in can drive us stir crazy. Take this scenario: You meet a girl (or guy), they’re the most beautiful person you’ve ever met, they want to spend time with you, they’re interested in you, they make you laugh. Even if they make you forget about everything that drives you fucking crazy and make you so happy, when you have a moment to yourself, you try and figure out a way to tell them how fucked up you are; how you don’t like to be in crowds, never take your clothes off, never cast a smile big enough to show your teeth because you’re paranoid at how the world will view you. Aren’t you scared? Won’t they treat you differently?
There’s only one real way to answer this. How do you define love? Ultimately; how would you react if someone you love told you all these things? If the relationship is worth having, we wouldn’t care.
We would still love them.
So why would it be any different if you told someone who loves you that you feel this way? It wouldn’t. When you love someone, all you want to do is make sure they are happy, and you will do anything in your power to do so. So go tell your loved ones. Why should you suffer in silence when the person on the other end of the line can help you through anything? Relationships are a two way street. People with anxiety don’t see it that way, we will do everything to make the people around us happy but when it comes to ourselves, we’re a closed book. The people around us don’t know us unless we tell them how we feel, and for relationships to last they need to know. They will still love you. The relationship will become stronger. Give the people who matter to you the biggest fucking hug you can muster up and break down, cry, pour your heart out. At the end of it you will have a bond that us with anxiety do not believe exist.
I, being hypocritical, have a girl who loves me dear, and she does not know any of this. She doesn’t know i write, i pretend like i’m okay with the same things she’s okay with, i wonder why our relationship works when she doesn’t know me at all. But that’s going to change. I’m going to let her in, i’ll be vulnerable, but if she loves me truly things will only get stronger. If not, fuck her, i’ll find someone who’s right.
Go make your relationships stronger.