The people who matter..

As many of you may know, relationships don’t come too easily to us folk with anxiety. It’s a struggle to maintain one healthy relationship never mind several. What do i mean by relationships? No, i don’t mean your Facebook friends and Instagram followers. I mean everything from your best friends mother to the love of your life. The relationships that matter to you.

With anxiety it’s a mammoth task to comfortably leave the house, and the thought of letting somebody in can drive us stir crazy. Take this scenario: You meet a girl (or guy), they’re the most beautiful person you’ve ever met, they want to spend time with you, they’re interested in you, they make you laugh. Even if they make you forget about everything that drives you fucking crazy and make you so happy, when you have a moment to yourself, you try and figure out a way to tell them how fucked up you are; how you don’t like to be in crowds, never take your clothes off, never cast a smile big enough to show your teeth because you’re paranoid at how the world will view you. Aren’t you scared? Won’t they treat you differently?

There’s only one real way to answer this. How do you define love? Ultimately; how would you react if someone you love told you all these things? If the relationship is worth having, we wouldn’t care.

We would still love them.

So why would it be any different if you told someone who loves you that you feel this way? It wouldn’t. When you love someone, all you want to do is make sure they are happy, and you will do anything in your power to do so. So go tell your loved ones. Why should you suffer in silence when the person on the other end of the line can help you through anything? Relationships are a two way street. People with anxiety don’t see it that way, we will do everything to make the people around us happy but when it comes to ourselves, we’re a closed book. The people around us don’t know us unless we tell them how we feel, and for relationships to last they need to know. They will still love you. The relationship will become stronger. Give the people who matter to you the biggest fucking hug you can muster up and break down, cry, pour your heart out. At the end of it you will have a bond that us with anxiety do not believe exist.

I, being hypocritical, have a girl who loves me dear, and she does not know any of this. She doesn’t know i write, i pretend like i’m okay with the same things she’s okay with, i wonder why our relationship works when she doesn’t know me at all. But that’s going to change. I’m going to let her in, i’ll be vulnerable, but if she loves me truly things will only get stronger. If not, fuck her, i’ll find someone who’s right.

Go make your relationships stronger.

Peace

Francis

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19 Comments

  1. That is so well written! It’s really difficult to make yourself vulnerable by opening up to someone, but having a relationship that isn’t honest is just as hard. I’ll bet she already has a good idea of what’s going on with you. I’m looking forward to hearing how this turns out. Best of luck 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Healing is a choice and you can’t do it alone. If she doesn’t know you, the real you it won’t work. Opening up, being vulnerable and transparent is what’s going to heal you and help your relastionships. You need to take the mask off. You can only maintain this way if being for so long. Take xare

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I have been in this same exact situation. Letting her in is the best thing you can do, even if it makes you feel a little weird around her for a while like it did me. It is so worth letting those that truly love us in, show her who you are, she will love you more for it.

    Good luck

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I agree with people that letting others in is definitely for the best. You feel a big weight off your shoulders when your mental health plays up to prevent you from doing something and you no longer have to try and think of the most convincing lie for what happened when someone asks. With all the visibility around mental illnesses that we have today, it’s not a conversation we need to be as afraid of having, and you never know what other people have been through or experienced in friends. You may find that someone you open up to, like your girlfriend, has seen others in your position and can be really supportive beyond how you’d expect her to be as a loved one (as I found out with my best friend where I currently live). I hope you manage to do it 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Or you may find that she’s hiding something as well. Perhaps the same anxieties regarding herself, and what others perceive her as.
    My condition is somewhat the opposite. I lost my mate in 2009. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. And God forbid I see a couple holding hands or reflecting that special gleam in each other’s eyes. I’d break down crying, sometimes even shaking. But now after 6 years of mental health help, I can go forth into the world, and not care if someone sees me cry, because love is that special. It should be rejoiced and celebrated.
    This is my first post of yours I’ve read, and will go through some others, trying I think, to see why you are not seeking help. A diary and journal are nice, even cool, as this site provides many with the venue to collaborate and share their feelings, hopes, desires, fears, and loves.
    But everything has its price (cost), and sooner or later, you have to pay them.
    However, I missed the opportunity in my rambling to say that the post is inspirational and uplifting, that someone who fears, can be this free with his emotions and words. Because words are more than money.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I think you should tell her when you’re ready. I waited a whole year before I wrote a long letter explaining everything to my boyfriend. I found it easier that way because I wanted him to know everything but I didn’t want a dramatic crying scene as I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. His reaction was the best I could possibly hope for. I told him I had a blog about my anxiety but I didn’t want him to read it because I don’t think it’s his task to become my therapist as that would make me his charity case. He completely understood. He is there for me when I need him but he doesn’t force me to tell him everything that’s going on if I don’t want to and he doesn’t force me to do stuff I’m anxious about.

    I’m sure if your girlfriend truly loves you, she will be just as understanding and opening up to her will strenghten the bond you already have. It is very comforting to know that somebody accepts you with all your flaws and will be there for you no matter what. I haven’t told my parents and friends yet because I know they won’t be as understanding and will possible use that information against me, so I’m pretty careful with that. But if you decide to tell someone, I wish you the best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes. Anxiety is a bitch. And it is hard to share the parts of ourselves we’re not so comfortable with. But to deny them, denies the gifts that come in tandem with them. Depression comes with empathy for others who hurt, an understanding of the dark night of the soul. Anxiety comes with the desire to ensure the safety of not only the self but others. Etc. And from our sensitivities, art springs and blossoms somewhere.

    I understand about not wanting to share art with those closest. It is our vulnerability on paper. Visible and tangible. At least inwardly it cannot be seen.

    But you are right to be bold and take this attitude. I wish you an outcome that is better than your anxiety would have you believe.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have tried to tell my friends and show my friends with severe anxiety and depression that I love them regardless of the anxiety and in fact even more for fighting through it. Why would I not love someone as awesome as they are? They fight every freaking day against their own chemical imbalances and feelings and emotions and that’s a huge struggle. I’ve had tastes of it and it’s extremely hard. Often people don’t realize how truly amazing this is, this fight to exist. This fight to survive. When those times of weaknesses appear and your armor cracks because the anxiety and depression are too much the ones that love you will always be there we just need to know what you need. You need a leg up? You just need to cry and yell? You need hugs and to cuddle quietly? Let us know. You are loved.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We totally do and since going through breast cancer I get situational depression which really gave me an insight of what normal anxiety and depression people feel. Fight on and do your thing!

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    1. My only advice would to treat them like they’re not any different. That way they’re more likely to open up to you and be comfortable around you. Offer the chance for them to talk to you in private after class

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  8. I get the basic idea that if your girlfriend is too shallow to accept your anxiety as only one part of who you are, maybe she’s not right for you. But she may indeed love you and also need some time and education to put matters in perspective. It’s pretty amazing how you’ve been able to hide your inner struggles by your outward behaviors and way of presenting yourself to the world. But when you love someone, you want them to know and love you with all your struggles as well as the fun easy parts. She probably knows more than you realize, as well as knowing less. You’re so much more than your anxiety, and if she’s had time to realize that, you and she may be able to work through the questions. No matter what, these same issues will come up in future friendships as well, and you’ll soon discover who are the quality compassionate people you want to keep in your life.

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  9. A very good friend describes the same feelings and symptoms. The very best thing she ever did was to discuss those feelings with her doctor.Doctors are great about privacy and there are medications that can make a world of difference.It may be that body just isn’t making enough of something (not you fault eh?) Good
    luck and you are not alone!

    Like

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