Anxiety, is universally known as a fear of the future. Whether it be a certain event in your life coming up, or just the fear of how you are going to be perceived in a certain situation.
However, when I look into my mind in my most anxious situations, I am never scared of an upcoming event. Actually, it really does take a lot to scare me, but there is definitely one thing that makes me terrified beyond belief. What’s that? Being normal.
That’s the founding root of my anxiety. Not social pressures, not how people perceive me, not some upcoming events that could change my future, but the fear of just fucking being like everyone else.
I don’t know why this is so, but it just is. Perhaps it’s the way I’m wired, perhaps it’s something different.
Put it like this: the universe has been around for 13+billion years; there are billions of stars in a galaxy; there are billions upon billions of galaxies. The universe will live on for trillions of years, long after we are dead. So here’s my proposal: if you are going to be ‘normal’ and just ‘fit’ in, for (lets say) the 80 years you are alive, then you are deeming your own life to be completely insignificant, because in essence, 80 years within the lifespan of the universe isn’t even a blink of an eye.
If you’re not finding something you love, doing something different than everybody else, chasing your dreams and being unique, then what is the point of you being here?
That’s what I’m so terrified of. That’s what keeps me up at night. That’s why I’m always dreaming these big dreams, always learning, always thinking, always trying to the best I can be; all because if I don’t, I’m utterly terrified that my life will mean nothing. That I’ll be normal.
In this instance, just to make everything clear, I am defining normality as being overtly similar to the large majority of society (whatever society you subside within).
Why am I saying all this? Because it’s just an example as to one other way mental health can royally fuck you up. When the doctors say you are fearing the future, that may not be true.
Everyone has their reasons for being the way that they are, and not all of us can help it. All we can do is identify what’s troubling us, and work our hardest to make sure we can beat our demons in the long run.
What are your biggest fears?